Your first love?
I was nervous. I didn’t know why.
Maybe I was a bit shy of what other people might think, what they would say.
At first, I wasn’t really sure if that kind of love really do exist. So I didn’t know how to respond or maybe if I even knew how, I wasn’t really sure if my response will be enough…
But still I said yes. I wanted that love. I wanted that life. At last something real was about to come and it did find me just as I am.
I was in a small chapel when I first knew and understood for real how Jesus loved me and died for me. I can remember that day when someone told us if we were willing to make a stand for Jesus and live our lives for Him. I can remember that it was my first time to not only make a stand for Jesus, but my first time to make a stand for anything in my life. That day I knew my life is about to change and it did.
That summer I was in a youth camp. I remember how I was so passionate with the love that I experienced. I was singing songs for God. I was enjoying my time with God. I loved sharing my faith to other people. In short, I was on fire. I was so excited for more.
The journey of living my life for Jesus was the most exciting thing that ever happened in my life.
But there was a feeling in me at times wherein I can feel that I was losing that passion of living my life for that first love. I think all of us have felt that. Yes the journey was exciting and fulfilling but there was more to it than I expected. My faith grew deeper and at the same time the challenges grew stronger. My relationship with Jesus got deeper and at the same time the cost of following Him got bigger. I knew it was all part of it.
Sometimes I felt that I wasn’t that passionate anymore. It all became familiar to me. I knew what to do and sometimes I even knew what I was supposed to feel at times. I got more involved yet really uninterested. My mistakes would overwhelm me. My shortcomings would make me feel guilty. I tried to make up for it and yet I felt that I was unworthy of this love.
It’s as if that first love was starting to fade. It’s as if that passion for Jesus was starting to fade as well…
Maybe you’ve felt that too.
Maybe you’ve felt that and just went away.
Maybe you’ve felt that and was too guilty to come back so you never did.
Maybe you’ve said to your self; “How could I? or why would I?”
Let me encourage you with the rest of the story.
That was not the end of that love story. My fist love would once again find me. He did just like He did before. Just as I was. Jesus again told me and reminded me that He’ll always love me no matter what. He assured me that His grace is always enough and it was.
Yes, I became all too familiar with my relationship with Jesus.
Yes, at some point maybe I fell in love with the ministry He gave me and fell out of love for Him.
Yes, my mistakes and shortcomings were too hard for me to accept.
Yes, Jesus brought me back to that real relationship with Him.
Yes, Jesus brought back that passion to love Him more. More than anything and anyone else.
Yes, Jesus accepted me when It was too hard for me to accept myself.
And yes I knew and learned that it was all because this love is ALL ABOUT HIM and not about me and what I felt.
“Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love. Remember the height from which you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first.” Revelation 2:4-5a
From then on, every time I would feel that the passion is fading, I would always pray that Jesus would keep giving me the grace to love Him more everyday. I would always go back to him in repentance and depend on His grace alone.
So if you’re wondering why I entitled this post; “First love never dies”.
(please bear with me in this explanation)
Well, Yes My first love JESUS did die for me but after that He rose again and conquered death once and for all. So literally my first love never dies. He is always there and is always with me.