I originally wanted to publish this post for valentine’s day. But here I am, posting it now so I could process what I have been learning so far in my marriage. Usually I tend to better process things in my life by sharing it, either through speaking or writing about it. I have been married now for thirteen months and I am a bit surprised on how the lessons we are learning has overwhelmed us, in a very good way. My marriage is not perfect but I hope that these lessons I’m sharing will help somebody’s marriage, as it is helping me as I continually remind myself of these things as well. Also hopefully it will encourage or inspire someone to embrace the beauty of what marriage can do to their life. So here are three things that might help you.
It’s give and give never give and take.
One of the biggest things I’ve learned in my marriage is that it will not work to embrace the idea that marriage is supposed to be give and take. The idea behind the mindset of a give and take marriage is that I will continue to give, serve and love my spouse but I will expect to take something in return, that in order for the marriage to work is that, it has to be both. It’s the idea that as long as I’m taking, I will be giving. Well, I have learned that if that’s the case, be ready to be disappointed. Because soon enough you will begin to think and say; “Wait, I’m giving more than I’m taking.” That’s when problems and frustrations in marriage usually starts. It starts from you carrying the mindset that you will only give to your spouse if your spouse will also give something in return that will satisfy you and will make you happy. It’s as if the goal of your marriage is it to make you happy, but it’s not. Only God can ultimately make you happy. The only way a marriage can work through God’s grace is to take heart and practice the idea that even though your spouse most of the time is not giving, you will continue to give. If at times your spouse fails to perform his/her role, you will still do your part to love, honor and serve. Give, give and give in spite of the imperfections of marriage. If there are times you feel like you can’t give anymore, fix your eyes on Jesus and then give a little more.
Your spouse is God’s gift to you.
This may sound like a cliché but we love to forget and take this truth for granted. When we fail to remember that our spouse is God’s gift to us we fail to neglect them and fail to appreciate them. God’s gifts to us is always undeserved. I become impatient to my wife when I fail to remember that she’s God’s gift to me. I tend to always look at her flaws when I fail to see my own flaws and think I’m always right. I tend to count her mistakes against her when I fail to remember my own mistakes that in spite all of it, God still gave her to me. Your spouse is God’s gift to you and never fail to always remember, that gift is undeserved.
Always say you’re sorry. Period.
Another important lesson I’ve learned is to always say sorry, regardless of whose fault it is. It’s true that saying you’re sorry is at times the hardest word to say and that has never been more real in my life until I became married. It becomes hard to say sorry when you tend to think whose fault it is first rather than just say sorry. A lot of times God will deal with my hard heart and encourage me to say sorry to my wife, and to be honest every time I do, I’m always glad I did. Why don’t you try it in your own marriage, that instead of trying to figure out first whose fault it is, why don’t you say sorry with all humility and trust me, you’ll also be glad you did. It might just save your marriage every time.
So those are just some lessons I’m learning so far. I’m still up for more things that I can learn. Hopefully this will help you find joy in whatever season you are in, in your own marriage.
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